That word up there, wew, seeing it there makes me like I’ve loaded a ton of responsibility over my shoulders and I’d be making tons of enemies soon. Well, I’m not going to be criticizing anyone’s opinions or offering up my own on the various sex terminologies that have come up in the past decade or so. I was watching The Mentalist, the TV show with the blond guy who’s always smiling, and there was this one statement he made. He says something along the lines of “You wouldn’t drive your sister’s pink bicycle all the way across town for…”, I think he meant unless it was really important for the 10 y/o, he wouldn’t have driven long on a pink bicycle.

At that point I kinda recalled my childhood, me being reluctant to drive this cycle called the Ladybird and also not wanting to enter this shop called Sri Muruga Sarees, because it had the word ‘Saree’ in it which is a female attire.

So where do these ideas come from and where does sexism begin? From the earliest of years, we are taught to associate pictures with words. Take the picture book from your elementary school for instance. The small shiny book, with a shiny red thing in a particular distorted non-geometrical form, that had five little letters written next to them ‘a-p-p-l-e’. We form an idea there. An idea that says if you see this red thing (or green or whatever color we want it to be, we later learn. Thanks genetic-engineering) in this particular peculiar shape, it’s an apple. Similarly what images do you associate when you say man or woman. The term is broad but I see very specific images. The first thing that pops up in my mind is of a very muscular person (imagine Goku), waist-up half portrait, camera angled up from below, portraying a towering, fearful, strong person, light effects that emphasize it. The image speaks for itself. When I think woman however, I see a full body image, she’s actually lost in the background with weak colors blending in, wearing a headscarf, sitting down with both her legs bent half in one direction, I can’t see her face, she’s probably holding a baby, I’m probably thinking about Mary in the stables(?), though I am unaware of how that story goes. It’s a weak image. It speaks of love and care primarily, but it if you take the layers apart, the underlying tones sing of cowardice and frailty.

That is the first image that pops into my mind. It’s the unconsciousness part of my mind kicking in, the auto-pilot. I, consciously do not have opinions that lie anywhere close to what my mind projects on first thought. That however is the base on which the rest of my thoughts and ideas are assembled. The base. These ideas are thus what were fed into me when I was a kid, unreasoning, pure and paper white.

Every word goes with an idea. We usually draw from a well of ideas but for collectives such as man or woman we have strong pre-processed images attached with the words. When we see a man or a woman, we already have an impression of them, because we are able to categorize them, they fall into something already though you have absolutely nada inkling about the smallest thing they have done or had done to them.

Sexism is inherent, (kinda?) we were into all this hunting and things ages ago. We still have the flight or fight thingies going on inside our head though we face a fraction of the dangers we used to back then. Similarly, the roles that were asserted aeons ago are still with us in a way. Television conforms to these gender roles mostly. Unless, the story itself revolves around a strong female lead. And what do we have even then? Charlize Theron, in her tight clothing and boyish haircut. Where’s the girly stuff in the strong female lead? We only get to see them as outliers and they in no way affect our deepest impression of the female being. We see qualities that are inherent to men, and we think they’re different, brave and strong like a man.

I blame the media!


Struggle is what men thrive upon. Imagine a life without strife. It’d be boring, pointless as ever and depressing. A new struggle presents itself, however, across the timeline. Take fear, for instance. The early man must’ve feared the cold, wild beasts like lions and tigers. Now how does fear stand? Man fears failure, he fears rejection, he fears getting kicked from his job, he fears the future and he fears public speaking. Whenever something’s been cleared, something new pops up – a small problem, something life threatening or maybe a slip-up that turns things awry. But chaosity is ever present. It has to be. For existence to go on, there has to be an element of chaos, the balance of scales, between light and dark, good and evil. If there was no conflict, no movement or transfer of energy from a higher state to lower, life would end.

I think we can agree we’re beyond the point of Necessity is the mother of all invention. We have all our basic needs taken care of and much much more beyond that. The most basic needs must’ve nessesiated man’s utmost effort like, food storage, galleries and garrisons. After that it’s been a smooth transition to A higher level of Comfort is the father of all invention. 200 years ago, I highly doubt people’d have felt the necessity of something such as the internet. He would’ve yearned for the letter he sent to be delivered faster however, and voila we have something far greater in terms of communication than the average man, let alone the greatest minds could’ve envisioned at that time.

So what is it one must do? Do not be a passive observer. Increase chaosity. Brew chaos. Think of something wild, work on it. Take people under your wing and push forth with your ideas. Let it create a whole bunch of new problems. Let men thrive on what they thrive on best. Struggle and strive.

Imagine stability. We’ve created the ideal society. Everyone’s good. Every person drinks tea and utters pleasantries. They’re so polite that when two people run into each other, a deadlock happens because neither of them are able to move forward because they’re too polite. But wait! We’ve the DPE (Deadlock due to Politeness Extermintor) organisation for that. Non-profit of course. They remove you from the spot and watch video footages of your arrival at the location and figure out who’s supposed to go first and puts the person ahead when they put both of them back. There’re no robberies, no murders. The most interesting news in the last 8 months was that piece about the guy who accidently made a dildo out of anti-matter. You go to the bar. There’s a system, a form you’ve to fill up, a procedure to be followed to pick up girls. It works 100% of the time because people hate failure, get disheartened by it and thus it was removed. The government’s first policy is failure removal from every individual’s life. Would it be worth it? *shudders*

What we strive for

As a race, humans or anything else for that matter, strive for only one thing. To continue living. To perpetuate their respective bloodlines. Survival. Call it whatever you want – purpose, duty, instinct or whatever. In the end that’s what we are all designed to carry out, designed to do no matter what. Reproduce.

As humans, however, we are a little evolved. We do not just have mad sex and reproduce. Our duty’s a little different. We need to get the cogs of the world moving because we have this little thing called society and all the luxuries it has to offer can only be had if everything works in order and everyone does their job as a cog. What do we strive for? The answer is simple. We strive to reduce the effort our life takes and reproduce; to lessen the amount of effort put into survival and extend our survivability through an offspring. We are well on our way to achieve this.

With many intelligent people in the past few centuries we’ve exponentially cut down the effort required to achieve something. I bet if the pyramids were to be built now, it’d take less than a 10000th the man power that was required back then. That’s how far we’ve come to achieving one of our goals. If we were focused more on furthering our line, that’d be a little problem because we’d be vulnerable and wouldn’t have gotten any work done. Seriously. So we’ve all these little constraints and societal norms that prevent us from getting it too easily, so we can put effort into the other task that requires attention.

So far so good. However, there’s a new problem now. We’ve reached a good production rate. The factories are pumping out their boxes for the billions. Everyone’s working in a factory line to purchase something someone else is pushing out from another factory line. We’ve achieved process efficiency, turnaround times have lessened considerably, the turnover is good and we’re showing a good progressive growth in the industry. But, as the amount of effort required to make something goes down, so should the amount of people that’re required to make it. In the 1900s, it would’ve required about 8-20 people to assemble a car. Now it’s all fully automated and requires only one person to watch over the entire plant. But the population. Has it gone down? No!

We’ve cut down the efforts required, we show results that, we’ve achieved efficiency. That’s all ok on one side, but why do you go on pumping kids and complain they’re unemployed? People do not have to work. That’s what we strive for. Do dogs work? They just eat, yawn and fuck if they feel like it. Now that we’ve machines to do the work for us and every company wants to show profits on paper, cutting down personnel cost is the best way to do this. Of course, a software doesn’t demand money every month. It’s a better investment.

If we’re all thinking as a progressive society we should see the bigger picture of what we’re actually doing. Lessen the effort required for survival, lessen the people now that we require less effort for survival, survive! Ta-da~

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Inaqeuacy Convos

Every loneliness is a pinnacle.

    -Ayn Rand

Hmm.. What are conversations all about? Inadequacy. Inadequacy.

They are always about inadequacy. Conversations are mostly about people complaining about one thing or an other. Inadequacy. They talk about how it’s too hot or too cold, too damp or too dry, how their boss fucked them up or how their spouse killed their day, about how tough their job is and about how their pay is so low. Inadequacy. Behind all the complaints lie inadequacy if you keep digging. They get help from a friend on this or that, they do not know how to do this or that. Inadequacy.

Nothing unites two as hatred for something. Or the love for something leading to or stemming from the hatred of something else that’s not the something that they love or hate. They complain about inadequacy and get close.

Conversations of good times? What are those but reminiscences of a good time that point to inadequacy in the present, that they enjoyed back then, but they are not enjoying now. What about when people get together over drinks and discuss future prospects. They are inadequate to form their own decisions.  What about idle gossips? Jealousy. Jealousy stemming from inadequacy.

I am not saying this is a bad thing. When we see the human race as one organism, as one existence, that as a whole knows everything there is to know, then there is no inadequacy. We are all parts of this single entity. We are all but little inadequacies that seek solace in others’ inadequacies.

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Self-worth, Inner-happiness and other Interiors

I kind of have to go back on what I’ve said in some of my earlier posts, unfortunately. Stuff like why do you care what the other person says, why are you bothered with what someone else might think about you and such.

As promised by lots of books, movies and celebrity quotes, one can hardly find happiness inside themselves. It doesn’t exist like that. Happiness, sadness, the sense of victory, pride, power and every other feeling arises inside a person through another. Though the source could be said to be in oneself, it doesn’t originate there. It comes from empathy. We look at ourselves through another’s eyes and that’s how any and every value is identified with an object or action.

So, of course the teenage girl cares about what others think of her. This is about the time we become conscious of our consciousness. The period where our self-awareness develops by experiencing nothingness. Before this period, we are usually involved in something that keeps our mind busy. We are sponges before this, when our minds have not fully developed or attained equilibrium with its surroundings. As a person hits the teenage, s/he develops an understanding of most things and the mind slows down, gaining an inner-perspective. There are bouts of boredom and though we consciously are not aware of what we are experiencing, our consciousness is able to grasp some things itself, gain a deeper understanding. Understanding what our consciousness understands takes a few more years.

So, here we are after our grumpy teenage years, when we either go down the path, the rebellious path, which was nothing but an inner-conflict where the consciousness developed on its own, beyond our conscious understanding of our consciousness, or we refrain and indulge in normal activities, which are easy and do not involve ourselves understanding our consciousness.

But back to the topic at hand. Our value. We only derive it from other people around us. We are only as good as the other says we are. A song is as good as our friends say it is. So, we are all little balls of foggy consciousnesses that do not understand themselves very well. These little balls though, are able to connect to other balls through empathy and derive worth and value in themselves and the actions they birth.

“Find happiness within yourself”? Pfftt.. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. A person feels happiness when s/he parties or achieves something or gets lauded for anything at all. It’s when you are better off than other people. That’s everything that happiness is.

And while we are on this page “Stop comparing“? If we are to associate value to anything at all, if we are to have a perception of quality, of good or bad, one has to compare. In fact, the primary premise on which the human mind works is itself comparison. It compares any previous data it has and considers the present situation. It compares, it draws results. Comparison is the most important function of the human mind. That’s how it gets anything done at all. Even our conception of beauty is by comparing facial features.

Finally, there’s self-worth. There’s no such thing. Straight-up, there’s no such thing. What is worth, how do you define it? You define it by comparing yourself to what others are capable of, or any other trait that might occupy your mind at the moment. That’s worth. “Self-worth”? How does that work? Do you assign a faux value higher than what the society would normally deem you fit to have? Is that how it works? Or do you live in an imaginary bubble where you are the king and have the highest worth. Worth isn’t assigned by one to oneself. It’s how you think others think about you. It’s an assessment of yourself in the eyes of your friend or neighbor or a colleague. How do you increase it? How do you just have a higher self-worth?

Funny thing is how the feminists among others proclaim that they are wearing make-up, fancy clothing and beautify themselves “for themselves”. Yeah right. Ok, carry on. This again is (draws an arrow to 3rd and 4th paragraphs) back there. Consciously you know that you cannot derive value for yourself from yourself. You have to go out and flaunt that back-less black velvet dress. Well, suppose in a way you are right. That  you do it to gain value in  your eye. Maybe. But how does it actually work. You gain value only because others evaluate you. You look at yourself through the eyes of a loved one or any other person and think of what they might think of you. More often than not you don’t don your finest attire and slump down on the bed and gain value or feel good. It’s like saying “Hey John, you know what? I only eat pork and beef and ham because I help the world and the environment by eating them since they release a lot of methane and other green-house gases. By eating them, I cut-down the amount of gases released. In fact I’m personally responsible for the 2% cut-down in green-house gases last year”. No Jeff, you douchebag, you drive your big fucking hummer which releases a fuck-ton of carbon-di-oxide and other gases, then you go eat those pigs and cows that are being domesticated and mass produced with techniques such as artificial insemination because your fat ass wants more of the jumbo double patty burger. You are not saving anything. You should shut up and watch super bowl like the other stupid people do.

Well, let me just wear this eye-liner and eye-shadow and stay home all day.

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Funerals: Self Gratification

When will people admit they do everything for themselves. From attending a funeral, to bringing-up children. The “I bought you up by hand” argument is kind of getting out of hand. Do you do it for the kid? The kid did not ask for it. You had coitus and dropped the screaming pile on Earth. You did it for yourself, you did not selflessly decide to drop a baby on the sweet fast-deteriorating green-blue sphere . So deal with it, take care of your mess. Don’t blame the child and make the child feel indebted to you for the rest of his/her life. The child owes the parent nothing.

Funerals are the stupidest thing. Most people are always going around gawking about happiness this, happiness that but when it comes to funerals they all go like a zombie procession to the casket and look at the solemn face once more wearing their best sad face, wearing their best grim reaper black suits that do not reflect light, so that they do not shine anymore and reflect gloom and sadness. Well, the dead person certainly will not care if you dance around naked. You’re doing it for yourself! His soul isn’t going to get attached to a potted plant in the porch if you do not go. He’s dead. He’s gone.

Help! When  you help someone you get self gratification. You might give your life to help someone, literally die and save some; even that gives you something. You do have a take-away. However extreme the case, if you do it, you’ve a nice neat package in your hand at the end of it.

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Apriori Cognition

Children do not have well developed cognition. For example, when someone hides their face behind their hands and does the peek-a-boo thing, they become all excited because they do not have a fully developed sense of a-priori cognition. A-priori cognition here is as Kant states it. We do not have innate knowledge but from a-posteriori knowledge, a-priori knowledge can be derived. That is, if we see a ball rolling down a particular path and it disappears from our eye-sight, we still have an idea of where the ball lies. Seeing the ball rolling away is a-posteriori cognition and knowing where the ball would be is a-priori cognition. As we grow older, our a-priori cognition gets strengthened. Although, most people, it seems put a stop to the development of their a-priori cognitive sense.

Let’s go back to my first example. As children, the peek-a-boo thing would amuse us, probably because we were fascinated with all the sudden appearances and disappearances. One shouldn’t expect the same thing to work on a grumpy teenager. S/he probably punch your face as you pop out from behind your palms, “peek-a-b…ouch”. The teenager knows that you haven’t disappeared and magically reappeared. The teenager knows you hid behind your filthy hands and revealed your displeasing face again.

Most human emotions are based on the absence of consistent a-priori knowledge. Fear, because we do not know how something would go down. Anger, because we feel inadequate, or unable to help a situation or simply an outburst of emotions that force us into action. Sadness, because we face a loss. These emotions can be overcome easily. Say, you’d have fear if you did not study for an exam but if you did study for it, it can be overcome. Otherwise, it can be overcome by playing out in your mind what would happen if you did fail the exam and what course of action you could pursue. By action or reasoning any emotion can be overcome.

Let’s see what emotions most humans overcome this way and which ones they do not overcome. Fear of the dark. This is a splendid example. Initially when we have a poor grasp on a-priori cognition, we are scared. We are caught unawares as to what creepy-crawlies, what predators may lurk in the dark waiting for us to switch off the lights, only to pounce on us and devour us despite our bloodcurdling screams. As time goes on, we gain a-posteriori knowledge that nothing is going to attack us and we gain a-priori cognition. We take a look at things before switching off the lights and know that the things exist the way they were even when the lights are switched off. We can navigate in the dark now and have overcome our fear, a base response from an untrained mind. Humans overcome a bunch of emotions this way.

What intrigues me is how they stop developing their a-priori cognition. They develop it to brave their fear of the dark, fear of heights, to deal with sadness and control their anger by gaining a-priori knowledge by the process of reasoning, but then they stop completely at a point. They do not go on to develop it beyond a certain point. For example, the death of a loved one. Everyone is going to die. Chances are you’ve already seen a person die or even a whole bunch of people you’ve known. Everyday in the news, we hear thousands have been killed off in one corner of the world or another, be it natural disasters or army invasions or civil wars. Hell, there’s even an obituary column to remind you daily that you are temporary. Still, I’m confounded by the fact, I’m totally stumped when I see people crying. They saw it coming, all their life but still they grasp at straws instead of seeing the light. For a less morbid example, take how teenagers react when they see their friends at the mall or the sidewalk. They go crazy! Like yeah, you live in the same city and what do all folk do except go to the mall or some other stupid place. They go haywire when they see their friends,  like they won the noble prize for running hundred meters under 7 seconds, underwater in a zero gravity field.

So, yep. Develop it.

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The War Games

War is stupid. There I said it. Army is made up of idiots or psychopaths. Honestly, think about it. Imagine if a scrawny gaunt person with thinning silver hair sits in his basement all day with an overhanging light in his dank basement thinking of how to kill people, you’d label him a psychopath and call the cops on the person immediately. However, when the government you elect pays people to do it in designated, centralized air-conditioned buildings with canteens and discount shops and give them medals and bestows honors, we applaud their effort, salute them and celebrate them.

War is like a sport with less rules. During war, the world is like a giant Roman Colloseum where people hack each other to their deaths. Each side trains their teams, they practice their stuff and plan out their attack strategy. It’s like a hardcore football game with weapons instead of balls. Like seriously, isn’t that sick? You can call it “defense training” or what not but basically it’s training to kill people. You train all day to kill people effectively and all those high ranking officers think about nothing but killing people. Sick.

Why can’t we just host a battle Olympics or something? Like the runners muscle it out in the field and throw short-put balls or swing javelins, the loser team relinquishes control of the territory or the resource or pays the winner on an annual agreement.

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Do I want to do this or that!

I just can’t figure out how, when I want something and even if there aren’t any physical barriers or when it’s not beyond my ability to do the thing, why am I still unable to do it. Writing or speaking to someone has often helped me organize my thoughts and come to the answer. Let’s see if I’m able to get to it now.

I’m not exactly sure how to write this as generally as possible. So I’ll just go with an everyday example. I want to talk to a person. I have all the skills I require. I can speak. Well, what else do I need? This is what I want in my mind. To speak to the person. For some reason however, there’s a contradiction of this want in my very own mind. How can there co-exist such a contradiction! But is it even that, when only one of those thoughts present in my mind wins. Is it a want, that I cannot fulfill? It’s not like I’m lying down a grassy field with the cold moonlight showering over me, a pleasant breeze caresses me and I reach out and try to hold the moon in the palm of my hand. No, this is very doable. But still what’s stopping me? The bizarre thing is that both these thoughts of action originate in the same brain. What leads me to want to do it and what is stopping me from doing it!

Something comes to mind. Earlier I just reached home and was cleaning up the place. I lifted a chair over the PC’s monitor to clean the corner and in my mind I’d already seen this happen, the chair’s legs tripping over the monitor. I knew a couple of milliseconds ahead that it was going to happen today. Though theoretically I knew it was going to happen, I practically was incapable of stopping it. I had not even theoretically devised my course of action in case that it should really happen as I feared. Is this it? Oh yes, I believe this could be it. There’s bridging required I suppose, between one’s theoretical mind and one’s practical mind.

Even considering the above situation, I can come to the same conclusion. People can only do what they’ve been doing for a while and it comes to them easily. Anything else that’s been put away for a while becomes really really hard. Without the first step, everything is hard. I have practically not spoken to many people, honestly. I hardly speak. But why do I feel the need to do it in the first place! Again there’s a conflict of ideas here. We are born as blank slates and ideas are fed into us from a very early age. We do not get to pick which ideas would direct our life in which direction. We just absorb them initially, all of it. I believe it’s this that’s causing the confusion and muddle up in my head. The second part, which does not want to allow the action of talking to happen is the newer part of the brain, which I’ve populated with ideas that have come to me after logical reasoning. However there’s a legacy part of the brain upon which everything is built. If this were to collapse, the entire structure of it would collapse because everything in the mind is just bits and pieces linked together on a little delicate base. Every thought, idea, emotion piled up like little boxes. Over the years, I suppose the old boxes could be overpowered by the new ones, but they still exist as a nagging eerie voice inside our hollow heads.

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Objective View of Things

Having an objective view of something means to see the truth as it is, without being clouded by prejudices and emotional fallacies. But truly, can a person live while having objective views? To be objective might mean to not change anything, to be of no consequence. Only then can you see and think in terms of absolute truth. Otherwise, always there would be some kind of prejudice layered on your thoughts because we would be forced to think in terms of the outcomes and results and our past feelings and limited experiences.

Let us consider you are a single person. You are in no immediate contact with anyone else and of no consequence to anyone else. Then your view is the absolute in regards to a particular object. The object exists because you acknowledge its existence. Now your view is objective. Your subjective view becomes objective here since it’s the absolute. There are no other views available. Now if you have someone to whom you are of consequence and someone who is of consequence to you, your view might remain the same but now there’s an additional view to which you are empathetic. Now, there are two subjective views.  Through empathy both of you can decide upon a view as the absolute and both of you can enter the objective state of view. Now, there were two subjective views that let’s say, differed. One of them had to be let go to reach a state of objectivity. One person had to let go or the person saw the truth and had to alter their previous state of principles and beliefs since the person saw that the truth was different from what the person had initially believed. There had to be a compensation in one wing or the other to reach the compromised truth. This is the common truth. The truth is, when multiple parties are involved, the result reached, the belief held that spreads across most of the common denominating factor.

In our existence we run across a vast number of people, each with a subjective view of their own. It is impossible to live objectively or have a view that’s devoid of the subjective for a human being because if a human were to live entirely objective that would be akin to not existing hence, impossible. Truth is simply a conglomeration of different subjective views, where one or the other had to let go of their subjective view to reach a common ground, also know as the objective view, the truth. For two sects that hold different views, the truth might be entirely different, but each would hold their ground and have a strong base to say that this is indeed the truth, showcasing their beliefs because of the number of people that acknowledge it. Hence for a person living a disrupted life, devoid of contact nothing is the truth and everything is the truth. The views the singular person holds could be the absolute, but this isn’t ideal as such a living structure is hard to reach from the current structure which we are thrown into upon birth and, in which most continue to live in for their entire lives being blithely unaware nor having  a single thought on why things are the way they are. Also, since it’s a single person’s view, the absolute here is easy to change because the number acknowledging the said truth is minimal or one. This throwness, as Heidegger puts it, where we are thrown into a world and into circumstances that we have no control over makes it impossible for us to conceive new world views, since our perception and our thought process has been considerable narrowed to fit with the current proceedings.

To be entirely liberated and have the widest and have the most open of views is impossible because of the data we inherit. The first thing we see, hear or feel will ingrain itself into our brains and the emotions associated with it would change our perception of every single thing we see afterward. We think in terms of things we have learnt before, anything and everything. Learning or feeling a single thing can permanently alter our being and our perception. The most we can do is to explain and associate our feelings with the metaphysical world and control them.

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